I will start off by saying I am pregnant so you will realize that life for me quickly gets overwhelming at this stage in life.
It all started at 1:30p.m today when my husband put the boys down to bed and closed the door behind him as he left to get some work done. I was also laying down for a nap. The boys immediately started crying "I want daddy." Once they calmed down I thought okay maybe a very much needed Sunday afternoon nap will happen today. I closed my eyes for 20min when my youngest says to me I need to tee-tee. So he gets up and runs to the potty and......doesn't make it. At that moment I knew the napping thing was over but I still attempted another try. So after the clean up I go lay down and was followed into my bed by my two boys who said so sweetly "I want to sleep next to mommy." Well they proceeded to jump up and down on the bed and play. Can't say it was rocking me to sleep so reality set in and I got up from the bed and tried to be productive. From this point on my afternoon was spent listening to constant whining (b/c they didnt' get a nap) and bickering. Not a good combination for an exhausted mom who missed a nap.
I forgot to mention we had dinner company coming over at 5:30p.m. It was now 3:45 and I had no idea what I was going to make, my kitchen and dining room were a mess from yesterdays meals and the boys were on a roll with their bickering. In between looking at recipes and refereeing their fights I came up with a menu, it was now 4:30p.m. I took a peek in the living room because I finally heard laughing and giggling and quickly discovered that it was due to mischief. My floor, carpet and couches were covered in dirt. I almost lost it and started crying but my anger took over and I began to yell. I promise I don't do this often but today I just couldn't keep my cool. They took the dirt from the potted plant and they thought it would be fun to fling it around the room.
At this point it is now 5p.m. I called my husband and asked him when he was planning on coming home he said "soon, I am almost done." It was not the answer I was looking for. 5:15 rolled around and I was MOMZILLA with a scowl on my face and WIFEZILLA with no good thoughts about my husband. I looked in the mirror and saw what was staring back at me and was embarrassed at the sight of the permanent scowl tattooed on my forehead. My immediate thought I need to retreat but clearly that wasn't possible. But I kept thinking I just need a time out. Can someone put me in time out? I can't be a good hostess like this, and I am definitely not being a good mom or wife. Well, I turned off my common sense voice and I decided to go take a hot shower, pray and calm myself down. Let me tell you this was a very hard task for me. I am the kind of person who likes to have a clean and calm home before guest come over. At this point dinner was not started, the house was a mess, my husband was still not home and not to mention my children were still on a roll with their bickering. I threw caution to the wind and did it anyways: for my sanity, the sake of my family and our future guest. Just as I get in the shower our guest called to change the time to 6p.m., thank God. So now I had14min and 22 seconds in time out a lot more than what I was counting on earlier.
As I shower I am imagining the mess I am going to find when I get out. How I am going to find one of them tied up and buried in dirt on my couch. In the midst of all those thoughts I manage to calm down to pray and quiet myself. In those quick 14 min and 22 sec. my children randomly stick their heads in to tattle tell on each other. I am able to quickly go back to my quiet place. I am done with my 14min and 22 sec. shower and I am truly a new person. I love my children, and I love hosting and I love my husband all I needed was a quick break to breathe and escape into His presence through prayer. I must admit I have never take a time out right before we are having company. My task oriented personality doesn't allow for it. But I sure am glad I did because it was so worth it. My husband was home by then so he pitched in to clean up. 6:20 p.m rolled around and Lettuce chicken wraps in peanut sauce were served on the table and I was a much nicer person. Yes, dinner was late, my house wasn't spotless, my children weren't well groomed and I didn't have dessert but I think we all managed without and so did my pride.
Lesson learned: Sometimes you just need to put yourself in time out even if its for 5min in a locked bathroom with calming music in order to function. If 5 minutes will make dinner late or a your house is not perfectly tidy so be it. It is so worth it rather than sitting down to eat a meal with guest when your upset, frustrated and exhausted. Some can fake it for a couple of hours but your kids know what has happened they just observed your yelling, frustration and impatience. It is so worth the 5, 10, 15min you took to gather yourself and to pray for for peace in the midst of choas.
I love to have fun with paper, food, paint, music and events and just being creative in all of it. However, I don't feel the need to be a perfectionist nor a professional in any of my creations. I wish I could have a blog JUST about the art of cooking, photography, sewing, art, mothering, jewelry making, card making, dancing, gardening, deep spiritual thoughts, decorating, poetry, party planning, baking.... and the list goes on but I can't. I don't think I was created with the ability to focus on one task. I like all of these hobbies layed out before me and the freedom to pick whatever I choose depending on the mood or time I have.